Afraid to Forget
by blackmagic0821
Summary: Story takes place three years after Edward left Bella, Bella now lives in NYC and is trying to go on with her life, she is still broken-hearted but mending with an unexpected job, and a unexpected partner in her life. What happend when a triagle happens?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

B-POV

Staring at myself in the mirror, I can't even recognize myself from who I was three years ago. Three years ago when my world came crashing down, and my sole purpose of my life left me. NO! Izzie, don't think of it, not yet, your not even on stage yet. It has to be almost time to go on, doesn't it?

"Izzie, you're on in five!" Steve shouted out with much excitement as he came barreling through my door. Izzie is what I answer to now; I no longer was the Bella I used to be, so I no longer wanted to be called that. "Thanks," I replied back with as much excitement that a heartless person could give. "Everything ok Iz?" Steve said with much concern. "Yeah, I've just been thinking about this new song that we will be playing tonight, not sure if I am ready yet to have the world hear it!" Trying hard to reveal what I really feel inside. "I am sure everyone will love it, same as usual, everyone loves you!" Not everyone I thought to myself.

As I started walking to the stage, I started thinking more about why I left my hometown of Forks, WA. If _he_ didn't want me to think that he existed –wince- then Forks was not the place for me. So I decided to move to New York, and landed at this club singing every Saturday night about how my life is now that the love of my life had left me. As the announcer announced me, I tried to put on a smile, with much effort. Smiling was hard for me these days.

"Put your hands together for our infamous Saturday night special, IZZIE!" Joe screamed into the mic.

Here we go, ready to sing my heart out. Oh wait it's been gone. When I sing is when I can remember him best, like he is really in the room with me. I only sing to him. As the music starts, I close my eyes, because this song was hard to write, this song is really truly the way I feel.

_Forbidden to remember_

_Afraid to forget_

_How can you do this without regret?_

_Cause without you, I live my life a little less everyday_

_Without you I can't remember how to breathe._

_You left me numb, you left me cold._

_My heart stopped beating._

_I can't go on to not remember you_

_I can't forget all that we've been through_

_I have to be strong; I have to hold on till I find you_

_My heart won't stop beating till I see you golden eyes._

That's when I opened my eyes, and as my mind plays tricks with me, there he was. So perfect so stone like just staring at me like he was the only one in the room. Anger fled through me then, why did my mind have to play tricks on me like this? I was really going to pay for it when I got home and curled myself in my bed and just cried.

_Tell me you love me once again_

_Tell me you need me, tell me you want me._

_Tell me you'll hold me; tell me you'll kiss me._

_Tell me you'll never leave again, tell me you love me._

_Without you I live my life a little less everyday_

_Without you I can't remember how to breathe_

_Forbidden to remember _

_Afraid to forget_

I repeated the chorus again twice, while still looking at his perfect face. It just looked too real; I am for sure going home after this song. They'll just have to play from the juke box. I was too emotional to finish the rest of the set.

_Tell me you'll love me; tell me you'll love me_

_Because I need you, I want you, I love you._

"Look Joe, I have to go," I frantically said as tears rolled down my cheeks "Fine Iz, but your only getting half tonight!" he furiously replied. "Fine, I will see you next Saturday."

Tears still rolling down my cheeks, they just kept coming.

On my way home the tears would just not stop, I haven't cried like this since that day in the woods behind Charlie's house –wince- don't think about that it will only make it worse I had to tell myself. Finally, I am in my safe harbor I put on a c d and before I knew it I was dreaming. I only knew it was a dream because I was back home, I could feel the rain on my face. Then I felt something brush my cheek, it was light and so cold. As I turned to look who it was, my heart started to race and my breathing became uneasy. _He_ did that to me, he could always do that to me. Then with a flash he was gone, and I was left there _alone_. That's when I made myself wake up, because that loneliness feeling was hard to bear; it was too much for my weak heart.

I walked to the kitchen to get some water; it was awfully cold in here. The window was open, I don't ever remember opening it, but I also don't really remember the ride home. I walked over to close the window and that's when I felt it.


	2. Chapter 2

**I changed the second chapter a little bit, after I read it a few times I really thought there was no pull to the story so I changed the last bit a little bit. Please review, I've had many people read it just no reviews. I need to know if I should keep going or I should just delete?**

**Disclaimer: I own no characters, that's all Mrs. Meyer, I just loved to play around with them!**

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Chapter 2

E-POV

"Oh come on Alice, you know you want to go" I tried to plead with her; I wanted to get out of the house it felt like the walls were closing in on me.

"Edward, Jasper wouldn't want to go, and I don't want to go without him" Alice whined. "Oh come on just for a little bit," My sister could be awfully stubborn, set in her ways. But I knew if I could just convince her for a little bit she would have a blast. For some reason she was trying to block her thoughts from me, hmmm…I wonder what it is that she saw, well if she really didn't want me to know then I guess I won't pry. "Okay, fine Edward, but if I am going then so is Rose and Emmett!" Alice said with not too much excitement.

_Alpha, Beta, Gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta! _She just kept reciting the Greek alphabet in her head; there was something serious she was trying hard not to think about.

So we all got into my car, since it was the only one that could fit us all. "Rose, I am going to dance the night away, great idea Edward!" Emmett was very excited to get out in public; he was always amused to show off Rosalie to the world. _Square root of pi equals 1.77245385. _I shot a quick glance at Alice who was sitting in the passenger seat staring out the window still keeping me out of her thoughts. "Alice what is your problem, what are you trying to keep from me?" I snapped at her with a little more attitude than needed. "Jasper, are you excited to get out of the house? I know you will do just fine tonight just focus on me!" Alice was ignoring me, "Whatever," I said under my breath. "Sometimes Alice you have a little too much confidence and I am sure I won't have a problem keeping my eyes on you!" Jasper replied back to his wife.

"We're here," I shouted out with much excitement. I walked straight to the bar, even though of course I was not going to drink or eat anything, but just to sit and watch everyone else. It was a little hard for me to just sit and watch other couples be happy, when I was never to go be with anyone. I was going to be alone for all eternity, because the one I truly wanted I left her so she could live.

"Put your hands together for our infamous Saturday night special, IZZIE!" The bar owner screamed into his mic. "Great, live music this will be wonderful," I mumbled to myself with sarcasm. "Actually, Izzie is really great, her songs are deep and meaningful, she is a lost soul but wonderful all the same," the bartender said to me with a watchful eye. "I apologize I didn't mean any offense to your performer," I felt pretty pitiful after that. But decided maybe I should just sit back and listen to the music.

_Forbidden to remember_

_Afraid to forget_

_I have to be strong; I have to hold on till I find you_

_My heart won't beat till I see your golden eyes._

Right then, that's when I decided to look up at the singer on the stage, and that's when I noticed that those big brown eyes that I picture in my head everyday was looking at me too. I could see the blood rush to her cheeks, and he heart started beating faster and faster. She was just how I remembered her, so soft, so delicate, so beautiful. It was like she was singing to me as I stood there just staring at her, I wanted to just walk up to her but it was like my body was frozen where I stood. She stared at me like I was the only person in the room, like nothing else mattered. She stared at me like the past three years never happened, like we were back in forks at our meadow.

_Tell me that you need me, tell me you want me_

_Tell me you'll never leave again; tell me you'll hold me_

_Tell me you'll kiss me; tell me you'll love me._

It was truly and honestly her. I just listened to her words, her voice was so precious. _I am sorry Edward, that's what I have been keeping from you. When you decided to go out tonight, this is the moment I saw. But, I didn't want to stop you from coming. I know how much you love her and how much it is broken you to not be with her. _I heard Alice from across the room, but I didn't look at her, I couldn't take my eyes away from Bella. _Holy Crap! Is that Bella? _Emmett thought pretty loud. Just to hear her name, even though it was in someone else's thoughts, it was like music to my ears, a little painful but still wonderful. _OH MY GOD! NO WAY!_ Rosalie thought with great exuberance.

_Tell me you'll love me; tell me you'll love me_

_Because I need you; I want you; I love you._

Did she just tell me she loved me still, that she still wanted me she needed me. She ran off the stage as the song came to a close. I couldn't help but to look for her in someone else's thoughts. I could see that she was crying as she was telling her boss she was leaving for the night. I ran to my car, because I couldn't let her get away. I stayed a car length behind her and I could tell she was still crying. Why was she crying, oh I wish I could comfort her tell her everything was okay. She finally pulled into a parking lot of an apartment complex. She walked so quickly, in such a rush tears still falling from her eyes. I waited in my car just staring at her window, listening to her breathe, listening to her cry. I saw her do something by the window and that's when I heard it, MY lullaby! So she found the c d and she still listened to it. If my heart was still beating it would've leapt out of my chest at that thought. Finally, I heard her breathing slow down and knew she was falling asleep, so I took the chance and went up to her window. Surprisingly, it was unlocked, so I slid it open quietly and leapt right through to her bedroom.

Ugh, what was that awful smell, I don't remember Bella's scent being that potent it made my nose wrinkle and want to go back out the window. I put the awful scent behind me and tried to focus on the real reason I was there. There was that scent I always longed for, she was right in front of me, she was still so beautiful. I felt a strong sense of déjà vu while I sat there watching her sleep. I wonder what she is dreaming about? Her heart is racing fast, and her breathing is becoming uneasy and that's when she screamed my name! I made a mad dash for the window when I stopped to hide in a dark shadow I just couldn't push myself to leave. So she was dreaming about me? This means she still thinks of me! I watched her go to the kitchen to get something to drink. As I sat there watching I noticed her shiver and look towards the window. I put myself a little bit deeper into the shadow. Oh No! I forgot to shut the window, stupid mistake. She walked over to close it and that when I decided to take another chance. I gently brushed the back of my hand across her cheek ever so gently.

"I love you; I need you; I want you; I'll never leave again; I'll hold you; I'll kiss you. I love you, Bella!" "Tell me you need me, tell me you want me, and tell me you won't make me leave, tell me you love me!" I recited her words from earlier from her song she sang. I hope that she still wanted and needed me and especially loved me.

"Edward!" She whispered, and that shot a flash of electricity through my whole body. The way she said my name took my breath away. "Bella," I answered back in the same tone of a whisper that she had. She just stood there looking at me, how I wish I knew what she was thinking. After all this time she was still a mental must to me, I hoped time might have changed that. But, she was still driving me insane with no thoughts to hear.

She started backing away mumbling to herself "I must still be dreaming, yeah that's it I am still dreaming, Izzie, come on wake up!" "Bella, no you're not dreaming, I am here right in front of you truly I am right here, you're not dreaming," I replied back with a soft gentle tone, so I wouldn't frighten her anymore than I already have.

B-POV

I felt it across my cheek, a soft gentle, cold touch. I didn't turn I was too afraid, that I would just be standing there alone when I turned around and that would hurt too much. Because, I must be awake, right? Then there was a voice to go with the touch, a soft, gentle, velvet like voice. I must still be dreaming, but this felt too real to be a dream. "I love you; I need you; I want you; I'll never leave again; I'll hold you; I'll kiss you. I love you, Bella!" "Tell me you need me, tell me you want me, and tell me you won't make me leave, tell me you love me!" Those were my words, that was my song, it was truly him he was right here in front of me, Reciting _my_ song that was for _him_.

"Edward," I whispered, that shot a blow right into my gut, that was a name I never said out loud. And to finally say it was like electricity shot to my dead heart. "Bella," the beautiful man standing in front me said with a whisper. I started backing away mumbling to myself "I must still be dreaming, yeah that's it I am still dreaming, Izzie, come on wake up!" "Bella, no you're not dreaming, I am here right in front of you truly I am right here, you're not dreaming," Edward responded with a whisper.

"You were really there weren't you, in the club while I was singing, why are you here," I was still whispering in disbelief. "I didn't know you worked there, we are living in New York now and I just stumbled upon you," he was frantically saying so fast I could barely make the words out.

"NO EDWARD, WHY ARE YOU HERE? YOU LEFT ME, YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT ME, YOU'VE HURT ME, I AM BROKEN," I said it so loudly I frightened myself. I waited for this day for awhile now, I didn't know if I would be prepared or if this day would ever come, the tears were flowing down my cheeks now. I just stood there watching his face, it was twisted in pain. I've hurt him, what have I done I didn't want to hurt him. "I am sorry I am here, I should go I see that it's too late, goodbye Bella," He still just stood there, he didn't move, I could tell he didn't want to leave.

"Edward, don't leave, please don't leave." I reached for him, it was like the past three years never happened, and it was like I was Bella again. I could feel my heart beating, it was racing so fast. His golden eyes pierced right through me. My dreams never did him justice, he was breathtakingly beautiful, and it almost hurt me to look at him. I had to look away, but he reached down and put a finger under my chin and lifted my head ever so lightly. I pulled away, and just stood there for a few seconds, I had hurt him again by pulling away from him. So I embraced this moment, and pulled him close to me and wrapped my arms around his neck and nestled my face in between his shoulder and neck. He breathed me in, and sighed every so lightly.

At this moment there were only a few things I wanted to say to him, but then the front door flew up open and someone was screaming my name. "BELLA!" The strong, intimidating, frightened voice screamed through the house. Edward flew me back behind him and he crouched down ready to defend myself and him. The intruder stopped in his tracks when he came into the room, and he was stunned. "Bella, are you hurt, what is going on, what is he doing here?" I didn't know what to say, there were no words for what was happening right now. Just a few minutes ago I thought I was dreaming the best dream I've ever had, and now it looked like my worst nightmare. I just kept opening my mouth like I was going to talk but nothing would come out. Finally, Edward spoke, "I thought I smelled something foul, in this house but I couldn't put my finger on it, I guess I now have a visual with the scent, why are you here Jacob?"


	3. Chapter 3

**DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS!**

**If you've already read the first two chapters before I edited and added more chapters just double check that you re-read ch. 2 again cause I did edit it a little bit to make a better pull towards the story. Remember REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!**

B-POV

Just a few hours ago I thought I was getting my life back, but I forgot to account for the one person in my life that tried to put the pieces back together again. For the most part Jacob has helped me go on with my life, he taught me how to smile, laugh and for the most part be happy again. I would've never thought that Edward would ever come back into my life again. So I tried to move on with my life and Jacob helped me with that, I was never the same again because my heart and mind were altered in so many ways already since Edward. But, there was a sense of normalcy with Jacob and happiness, that I felt mentally happy again and decided that if Edward was not the person I was going to end up with then Jacob was it for me.

So why I waited in Forks for Jacob to graduate I turned my heart into music and started writing and even taught myself how to play the guitar. I wrote my thoughts and my emotions into my songs, and decided that that was the best medicine for my broken heart and the best remedy to move on but to never truly forget. So when I decided to leave Forks for NYC, I would've never thought that Jacob would've left everything that he has ever known and the responsibility and loyalty he had with the pack behind him. So he packed his life up and moved with me. His father and Sam and the rest of the pack were very upset with him for a little while, but when they finally cooled down they understood but never really accepted it. Charlie found it comforting of course that Jacob was with me; since I was now living in a big city he loved the fact that Jacob would be there to watch over and protect me. Of course with my luck I need all the protecting I can get.

Jacob and I formed this bond between us, yes I loved him but he knew that I could not love him or give all of my heart the way he wanted me to. He knew how broken I was and that it would never be mended back to the way it was. So, he accepted that and embraced every moment he was able to get. He helped me stitch my heart back up again and put as many of the puzzle pieces back together again. Now what do I do?

"Bella, are you okay you look catatonic just sitting there staring out the window," Jacob said with urgency and heartache. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at him and what I saw in his eyes was heart breaking, they were hallowing with tears at the surface. I could tell he was trying to hold back all his anger and sadness. "Jacob, I think I need to be alone to collect my thoughts," "Bella, you have been sitting there for hours since he left just staring and not saying anything," Jacob replied with intensity.

A few minutes after Jacob came running through the door Edward had given me his number, whispered he loved me in my ear and that he wouldn't be far, and he left. It took all of my strength to not fallow him and run into his arms. But I knew I had to think about what I wanted, did I want to be with Edward, and was I mad at him? Yes, I wanted to be with him and yes I was mad at him. He hurt me, but after I looked into his eyes I felt happiness like I've never felt before, I felt refreshed, renewed, I felt like Bella. But, then I looked into Jakes eyes and how could I hurt him after all I've put him through after all he's helped me with? I remember how I felt after Edward left, and sometimes I still feel it, so how could I put Jake through the same emotions. "Bella, I love you and you know that, I've been here for you for the past three years, he left you Bella, he left and now all of a sudden he is back and I still don't know how by the way you must still explain that to me."

So I went on explaining to him how I was at work just up on stage singing a song when I opened my eyes and I thought that my mind was playing tricks on me and that he was there, so I left work early and then he found Edward and I. Wow, I haven't put Edward and myself in the same sentence in so long that a smile crept up on me, but as soon as I looked at Jake, the smile faded. Jacob never really came to the club he was usually at work at the shop, when he did come to the club though I knew what songs to sing and what song I shouldn't. Jake didn't know that I sung about Edward, there was only one time he heard me sing about Edward, but it was also about him too. I decided to sing a cover that night because of the type of mood I was in, it was the first night that Jacob told me he was _in_-love with me. I knew he loved me and I loved him too, but loving someone and being in-love was two different emotions.

"_Bella, before you go on stage there is something that I want to tell you."_

"_Okay Jake but you're going to have to hurry up I go on in five,"_

"_Bella, I love you!"_

"_I know that Jake I love you too."_

"_No, Bella I am in-love with you, I've always have been, I love you more than you know."_

_I was stunned I didn't know what to stay, so I smiled kissed him on the cheek and walked onto the stage. I was going to play a different song, but for what just happened I only had one song in mind, so I told the band we were going to change things up and for the first song I was going to play acoustic and they were to relax. I wasn't sure if Jake was going to be happy or hurt by the song I chose but I knew I had to sing it. Jake sat up front and I just stared at him while I began to play. _

"_Hey, how is everyone doing tonight?" The audience was screaming and raising they're glasses to me. "That's great, so I decided to open up with a song that I felt was appropriate for the way I feel at this moment, it's going to two people, one I am letting go and the other I am holding onto. So Jake I am going to hold on, so here we go this is Leona Lewis, Better in time!"_

" _It's been the longest winter without you  
I didn't know where to turn to  
See somehow I can't forget you  
After all that we've been through_

Going coming thought I heard a knock  
Who's there no one  
Thinking that I deserve it  
Now I realize that I really didn't know  
If you didn't notice you mean everything  
Quickly I'm learning to love again  
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

_[Chorus:]__  
Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time_

I couldn't turn on the TV  
Without something there to remind me  
Was it all that easy  
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh  
Hurt my feelings but that's the path  
I believe in  
And I know that time will heal it  
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything  
Quickly I'm learning to love again  
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

_[Chorus:]__  
Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time_

Since there's no more you and me  
It's time I let you go  
So I can be free  
And live my life how it should be  
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you  
Yes I will

_[Chorus: X2]__  
Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time"_

_When I first started that song, Jake wasn't smiling like he had been, but by the end of the song he couldn't stop smiling. He knew the meaning behind it and that's why I decided to play that particular song. _

That night had been one of the happiest in a long time; I couldn't stop smiling after that song. I thought that I had finally started to move on from Edward, I might have moved on, but I was afraid to forget. So I still sang about him time after time, there was at least one song a night that was about Edward and how I felt about him or towards him, I couldn't forget about him I would never allow myself to do that.

"Bella, look I think you need to sleep, so why don't you go to bed and I will sleep on the couch tonight," Jake had me snap back to reality once again. "OK, um, I think I will take a shower first to calm myself down." Even though I wasn't crying, I felt like I was dying on the inside. The shower felt nice, very hot it was what I needed for my body to stop shaking. When I got out Jake was already asleep on the couch, so I kissed him on the cheek and went to my bedroom. I wasn't sure if I was even going to be able to fall asleep, I was too afraid that my old nightmares would haunt me again. So I lay down on my bed and before I knew it I was waking up to the bright sun shining through my window.

I laid there in bed for awhile, but after a half hour I really needed to go to the bathroom, so I got up when I walked into the living room, Jake wasn't there, he wasn't in the kitchen either. I looked out the window and his car was gone, I wonder where he went he didn't need to work for another few hours. I walked into the bathroom and a note had caught my eye that was taped to the mirror. It was from Jake.

_Bella,_

_Went to go get some fresh air and Breakfast, be back soon._

_I Love You,_

_Jake_

I cringed after I read the "I love you," after a night's sleep I didn't know really know how to respond to that. Did I love Jake, was I in-love with him, what about Edward? Ugh, there were too many thoughts in my head to comprehend anything. Right now there was only one person I wanted to talk to, but how would I get a hold of her without having to call Edward, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to talk to him. I knew if I heard his voice it would be like an electric pull that I must go to. But, I still just wasn't sure what I wanted yet.

At that moment my phone rang, I ran to it hoping it was Edward and then hitting myself for thinking that. I looked down at the caller I.D. and seen that it was a weird number that I didn't recognize. "Hello?" I answered with a sore throat, I needed something to drink. "Bella, you needed me to call," it was the silver, high pitched voice I was hoping to hear. "Alice, I need you, I need to talk to you, and will you come over?" "Of course Bella, let me just talk to Jasper and I will be on my way, um…Bella?" "Yes Alice?" "Do you want me to tell Edward I am coming over?" She asked unwillingly, "you might as well; he will eventually find out anyways, you Cullens can't keep secrets between each other!" I told her the address and we said our goodbyes. I quickly called Jake and told him Alice would be over so we wouldn't have another incident like last night with Jake freaking out and Alice trying to protect us both. He seemed okay with it, but I am sure he was dying on the inside.

Before Alice came over I took a quick shower and started cleaning up a little but, I didn't want her to think I turned into a slob or anything. As I was washing the dishes there was quick knocking on the door, but before I could get it Alice flew through the door and embraced me with a too tight hug. "Oh, Bella I've missed you so much, are you okay I heard about last night," "Alice. Can't. Breath." I tried to squeeze out of her tight grip. "Oh, sorry sometimes I forget how human and fragile you are, so Bella is everything okay Edward is a wreck, I mean he has been a wreck for the past 3 yrs. But this is the worst that I've seen him."

"What do you mean, he is a wreck and he has been for the past 3 years, he was the one who left me, he was the one who didn't want me or love me anymore," I sort of yelled at Alice with a little too much enthusiasm. "Oh silly Bella, do you truly believe he doesn't want you or love you, let me explain what he truly meant by everything he really did and does have the best of intentions." Alice retorted back.

Alice went on to explain to me why he really left me, and what he has been up to and how no one can stand to be around him anymore. "Sometimes he gets that flicker of life back into his eyes, but when he notices what's going on it quickly goes away and he disappears into his room or the woods for a few days I was really surprised that he wanted to go to the club last night, cause he never wants to go out, but I guess there was this pull that was making him go." "He doesn't play his piano anymore, actually one night in a fit of rage he threw it out the window and started really tearing it apart, and saying how worthless and how he couldn't go on anymore, I think that was the worst he has been till now , cause see at least then he chose to leave and not be with you and he always knew in his head you still loved him, but now he feels he made the worst mistake of his life and that it's hard for him to process that you don't want him anymore, he is taking it pretty hard, he won't talk to anymore, he won't come out of his room, he finally let me talk to him right before I came over, that's why it took me longer than expected." Alice was talking so fast it was a little hard to process it all.

"Now Bella, you need to tell me about Jacob and why for the past three years I've only gotten flickers of your life, that's the only reason why I knew you were still alive." Alice urged me to tell her about Jacob and what I have been doing for the past few years. So I continued to tell her about Jake being a werewolf and that I did love him, how he helped me with coping that they left, why we moved to NYC, why I worked at the club and my music. "So the real question is how do you feel about Edward?" I didn't even know how to respond to that question, I whispered "I don't know," with tears filling my eyes.

Alice and I just sat in the living room and talked about everything from Rosalie and Emmett, to everything that has happened to all of us, except for Edward, since they left Forks.

It was starting to get late and I realized I had a message from work; I excused myself from Alice and listened to the message. When I came walking back into the room, Alice said "Sorry, you have to go into work, would you like me to come with you?" "Actually, yes I would love for you to come, maybe you can hear some of my songs and understand what I feel about everything, plus it would be nice to have you close by." I was actually smiling now and it felt good to be with her again, I missed her so much, she was my best friend. And even though I didn't know if I wanted to be around Edward right now, at least if I was with Alice I knew he was still out there, and I knew he was close by and that gave me a sense of comfort that I haven't felt in a very long time.

I quickly sent Jake a message to let him know that I was called into work, I didn't want him to come home and realize I wasn't there and that I had returned in awhile and jump to some weird conclusion. I let Alice drive, because if she drove then I knew that I would get there a little quicker, and I knew she couldn't leave without me. When we finally got to the club Joe was so grateful that he forgot about my little stint last night. I told Alice she could sit back stage and watch me if she would like, or she could sit in my dressing room whichever she preferred. She decided to sit right up front where I could see her.

I sang three songs before I took a break, all three were about Edward of course and I think if Alice could cry she would've been crying. But, in between the second song she quickly looked behind her and had a mean scowl on her face. I tried to look to see what she saw but I couldn't really see anything with the lights blinding my eyes. But then she sat there looking content again. During the break Alice appraised me for music and she loved every moment of it. "I really think Edward would love to hear these songs Bella, he would understand how you feel," "Alice, I just don't think I am ready yet, I am not sure if I am ready to face him yet, anyways break is over I have to go, I will be singing about 6 more songs then it will be time to go, do you mind." "Of course not Bella, I will stay with you as long as you want me to!" That gave me a great sense of comfort and relief, and gave me confidence to sing my heart out some more about the love of my existence.

After the last set was over, Alice said she would wait for me in the car and then she would take me home or wherever I would like to go. I went back to my dressing room, so refresh myself a little bit and relax, I sang a lot about Edward tonight more than I ever have and I didn't know I would break away from this feeling. When I walked into the room, I was caught off guard by Jacob standing there with tears running down his face. "So Bella, is that really how you feel, cause I know you weren't singing about me," I didn't even know what to say, I wanted to run away from this room and avoid this situation. Why did he have to come walking back into my life like that, I was content, I was happy, broken, but I was still happy. Now look, I've hurt Jake, just like I didn't want to. But, I _wanted _Edward, I _loved_ Edward.


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own any of the Twilight Saga **

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW, I need to know if the is a waste of time or if you actually like it.**

E-POV

I was so engrossed into Bella; I can't believe that I didn't hear it coming. That dog came bursting through the door in such a fury, my only reaction was to pin Bella behind me, I didn't know why he was there, and I didn't know he lived there with her. I got a glimpse inside his head, he and Bella have been together for the past couple of years, and he was the one to pick up the pieces after I had left her. I had left her, what have I done?

"BELLA, WHAT IS HE DOING HERE," Jake snapped at here, like it was her choice or as if she called me to come over.

Bella went on to explain how I had ended up there and she didn't know I was going to be at the club. "You don't have to explain anything to him Bella." I quietly told her. Jacob was showing everything that had happened with Bella, and Bella and him since I had left her. It was hard to see her like that, how when they found her in the woods, how she looked so numb for months, like she had no more feeling left. He showed me how she would just sit at her window and stare out of it; she snapped and went into a fury one day when he tried to close it on her.

"_Bella, you should keep this window close, it's cold outside," Jake had tried to soothe her, "I'm not cold Jake, I don't feel anything," Bella had whispered back with no feeling in her voice. That's when Jake walked over to close the window, and she went off. "JAKE NO, DON'T CLOSE THE WINDOW IT HAS TO STAY OPEN, IT HAS TO STAY OPEN, it has to stay open," she was screaming at him, while she was throwing hysterics, tears racing down her cheeks. She had finally fell to the floor whispering how much she needed me, wanted me, and loved me. _

That had to be the most painful vision I had ever seen, he hurt so much my face was torn. "Jake, what are you doing to him," Bella snapped me out of the vision I couldn't stop listening to. "I'm not doing anything to him," Jake replied with accusations. "What are you thinking Jake," Bella knew he was showing me something that caused me pain. "Don't worry love, Jake just has a very good memory, nothing you need to worry about." I replied to her, trying to calm her down. "Jake, I think you need to leave, I don't want to face this situation right now." Bella looked towards him waiting for him to speak.

"I am not leaving, I live here you know, we live here together, he is the one who needs to leave and not look back," Jake was furious now. "Fine, then I will leave and you two can just hash this out," she replied. "No Bella, you stay I will go and we can talk later," _Oh there will be no talking to you EVER_, Jake nearly was screaming at me in his head. "Edward," she whispered and it shot electricity through my body once again. "Shhh…it will be okay, I won't be far, here is my number if you need anything and I will be here whenever you need me, or want me." It was so hard for me to walk out of that door, and leave her with that mongrel. It felt like I was walking away from her again and that caused even greater pain.

I needed to breathe again, I needed to calm down so I decided to go for a hunt before I went back home. Three deer, and a lynx later, I decided it was time to go home and wallow. My phone had been buzzing for the past few hours; I assume it was my family. When I got home only Esme, Emmett and Rosalie were home. Carlisle must be at the hospital, and who knows were Alice and Jasper was.

I just sat in the corner of the family room with my head between my knees. She didn't want me anymore; she moved on, I was too late. I shouldn't have ever left her.

_My poor child, he has went through so much all I want is for him to see happiness again, that glint of shine in his eyes._ Esme was thinking from the other room.

The next thing I knew I heard a loud thud in front of me and screaming._ EDWARD, OH GOD EDWARD STOP_, it was Jasper but I didn't care to listen. "Jasper, what's wrong, are you okay," Alice was kneeling next to him. "Edward, what's going on what are you doing to him, whatever it is stop you hurting him," Alice was screaming at me. Just then everyone came into the room all wondering what was going on and why Jasper was in such pain. _Edward, stop, your pain is enclosing in on me it's too much, oh god it hurt. _Jasper was whispering in my head,

_Jasper, stay with me oh please stay with me._

_Oh all my children in pain, I can't stand this, why can't they just be happy. What is going on I think I need to call Carlisle._

_What the hell is going on here, why is Edward just sitting there while Jasper is in pain?_

_What is going on? Jasper has never been like this before._

"GET. OUT. OF. MY. HEAD." I stood up just screaming at them with my eyes closed. "JUST STAY OUT OF MY HEAD, I AM TIRED OF IT, AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT." Just then Carlisle walked into the room; I snapped my head into his direction. "AND YOU, WHY DID YOU CHANGE ME, I HATE THIS LIFE. I HATE IT, WHY DID YOU CHANGE ME. I DON'T WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE, I WANT TO BE HUMAN, I SHOULD BE DEAD BY NOW AND IF I WAS DEAD I WOULDN'T FEEL THIS WAY." I screamed at Carlisle, "I'm sorry son." And he walked out of the room. "EDWARD, HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO HIM." Everyone was screaming at me now. "SHUT UP, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL, I WANT TO DIE."

"I know how you feel, I can feel it too," Jasper gasped out between breaths.

Suddenly Jasper was standing in front of me, grabbing my head and putting our foreheads together. _Let go Edward, just let go. Embrace the moments you have, don't wallow in your pity embrace her. Love her Edward, need her, want her. Don't let her go again. _We were now kneeling on the floor, with our foreheads still together._ Tell her you need her, tell her you want her, and don't let her go Edward, go to her and be with her. Say it, out loud, SAY IT. Tell Bella you love her._ And that's all it took was to hear her name, jasper and I stood up and he embraced me with a hug and whispered in my ear. "Go to her."

"I have to go to her, I need her, I need to tell her how much I love her," I was telling my family. "Edward, I need to tell you something," Alice was now by my side _I talked to her, and she says she needs me right now and that she wants me to come over so we could talk. Are you okay with that? _ I slightly nodded to her, and walked away. Why doesn't she want me, I need her so much.

Hours has gone by since Alice left, and I was still in my room just laying here staring at the ceiling like it was going to tell me the meaning of life. Well at least not my life, I am a vampire what kind of life is that. I have been damned to this life of no age, of pain. Vampires only fall in love once, and when they fall in love it is so intense and real, it's the only thing that matters to them. Without their mate, they can't go on there is so much angst in their life. And all I need is my other half, I never thought I would find Bella, I never thought if I did find her she would be human. But, when I did finally find her and in the reality she walked into my life, she found me. It was like the sky was full of stars again, there was finally light. And after I walked out of her life, it was pitch black and I could see no more.

I walked into Carlisle's study; he was sitting at his desk reading a book. "I am sorry, I was out of line, I shouldn't have said those hurtful things, and I didn't mean any of it. I know you had the best of intentions and I know why you did it, I've seen it in your head and I would have done the same thing if I was in your position." I said it so fast and with my head down I couldn't look at him. "I am sorry, I don't know if changing any of you was ever justified." Carlisle looked as if he would cry if he could. "Carlisle, if you wouldn't have changed me, I wouldn't have ever felt the most amazing thing I have come across. If you wouldn't have changed me I would not know of the love I have felt, and the pain that I have felt as well. If you wouldn't have changed me I would know nothing of my Bella, I would not know how to love like I do. So I thank you for giving me her, if it weren't for you I wouldn't have ever had her." Just then Carlisle embraced me and told me to not let her go, that she is family and this is where she belongs.

I decided to call Alice, to see what Bella needed to talk to her about. When Alice answered, I heard music and the most amazing soft voice I have ever heard. Bella was singing.

_Torn between the love I want, and the hate I feel_

_But it's truly hard to hate you for what you did_

_When I love you this much. _

_Come back to me, come back to me._

"Edward just listen to her music, it's so beautiful"

"Alice, I called to see if you know if she wants to talk to me, or needs me or anything. What had she said about me?"

"Edward, you know and I know and the bar knows how much she loves you, just listen to her lyrics Edward. She needs you and she doesn't even have to tell me that I just know. Don't worry everything will work out just fine. You two need to talk, you need to come to her. I can't leave her again Edward, I won't do it.

"Neither can I Alice, neither can I." And with that I knew what I needed to do; I knew that I need to tell her that I would never leave her again.

I decided I need to get out of this house for a little bit, I needed to clear my head and decide how I was going to come about this. Since Jake is in the picture, I need to do this delicately so a war doesn't break out. After a couple of hours I went back to the house, I slowly walked back I didn't feel like running. It was raining and I wanted to feel the rain on my face.

As I was walking up to the house I could hear everyone. Emmett was watching TV, Rosalie and Alice were deciding on how to rearrange Rosalie's closet and planning a shopping trip for the next day, Esme was in her library looking over some blueprints, from the looks of it she is planning on building a greenhouse in the back of the house. Jasper was in his room reading a book. And someone was playing on the piano, it was a very light, and slow ballad. Who could possibly be at the house, Carlisle wasn't home he was at the hospital.

Then I heard her hum, so softly I ran as fast as I could to the house. When I got to the door her scent hit me like a wrecking ball, it was the sweetest most wonderful scent I have ever encountered. I wasn't sure if I wanted to walk into the house yet, I stayed back a little bit from the door just breathing in her scent. She was here; she was at my house playing on my piano.

She started a song now, and after a few moments after a few key strokes she started singing, very softly very quiet.

_I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done_

And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say

It was a sweet song; I decided to walk in and stand behind her and watch her play. She had her eyes close, and was engrossed into the song she was singing. It was hard to not embrace her but I wanted to watch her, to breathe her in. I've never seen her like this before; it was one of the best moments of my existence. She was singing to me and about me again. She loved me.

_To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbye  
I nearly do_

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say.

She came to the close of her song now and just sat there with her eyes close. "Edward, I love you." That's all I needed to hear and I was by her side embracing her. 'I am sorry Bella, I left you and I left you bro…" She cut me off, "Shhh…don't talk, you don't need to explain anything you're here now, and I am with you and that's all we need." I smashed my lips to hers just then and I take my last thought back that I had earlier this was the best moment of my existence. I pulled away from her and just looked into her eyes, "Bella, that was the most beautiful song I've ever heard, you truly amazing. But I don't remember you ever knowing how to the play the piano." She started laughing then and it sent chills down my spine, I missed her so much. Hearing her laugh in my head does not do its justice. She is even more beautiful than I remember. I give her my crooked smile I know she always loved and then her heart started racing and I know I succeeded in what I wanted to do when I smiled at her. "I taught myself, I felt if I could do this, then maybe you would come back to me somehow, like I was connected to you. I know it sounds stupid doesn't it?"

"No my love, it's not stupid."

Before I knew it she was off the piano bench and Emmett was swinging her around the room, "Welcome home Bella, it's about time cause we needed some excitement around here, Edward was such a drag." He was booming with laughter, it was so loud it felt like it was shaking the house. But then I realize the shaking was from me laughing. Esme walked over to me then, "Thank you for coming back to us, it's wonderful to see you laugh again, and thank you for bringing Bella back to us as well."

"Emmett, please put me down," Bella was laughing, as well as kicking and swatting Emmett, even though she knew it wouldn't do any good. Emmett finally put her down and she embraced and said her "hellos" to everyone, even Rosalie who gave her an awkward smile. "I think everyone needs to leave Bella and Edward alone, I think they have some catching up to do," Alice chimed in.

I led Bella up to my room so we could talk. "There is nothing to talk about Edward; to me it's as if the last three years never happened. The whole that was my heart is filled now, I can feel it beating again. I love you, you're here and that's all that matters." "Oh Bella, I've missed you so much, I will never leave you again, until you tell me to leave, but even then I don't think I could, I think I would just wait in the wings till you wanted me again."

"I'll always want you, forever." Bella kissed me again; I didn't want to let her go. "Forever," I spoke between kisses.

"Look, I have to go explain things to Jacob and when I am done I will call you, will you come pick me up?" Bella was explaining to me that she had to let Jacob know of her choice, and she knew it wasn't going to be easy. "Of course, you call and I will be there."

After about an hour later, Alice was cleaning my closet out. "What are you doing, you're messing up my room." Alice just gave me a scary glare; she can be such a little monster when she wanted to be. "I am making space in your closet for Bella's clothes, she needs some room and plus we needed to update your wardrobe, I don't know what you were thinking with half of these clothes." Needless to say she is the one who bought most of my clothes, so really she was dissing her own style. "You know I really hate that I can't see werewolves, cause when Bella is around them I can't see her either, I think that's why throughout these past years I only saw glimpses of her, only when she wasn't around Jacob, it's very frustrating I don't know what going on." She never shared this tidbit of information with me before, "What…wait, you can't see Jacob and when Bella is with him you can't see her either, why didn't you tell me this before, I would've went with her, what if she gets hurt…" Alice cut me off, "oh she will be fine Edward, she has been with him for three years now, and hasn't gotten hurt," Ouch, that hurt.

I decided to go downstairs and play the piano, I felt connected to Bella now that she could play too and since she was the last one to play on it. _Finally, all of my children are happy again, it's nice to hear Edward playing again, how I missed it._ Esme was in the kitchen getting dinner ready for Bella, even though we didn't need human food, she was considerate enough to go to the store and fix something for Bella, when she got home. Oh I liked the sound of that Bella coming home to me.

My phone started ringing, I stopped what I was playing and assumed it was Bella ready for me to pick her up, instead when I looked at the caller ID it was Carlisle. "Hello?" I answered confused cause I couldn't imagine why he would be calling, he would be home soon. "Edward, you need to come to the hospital, it's Bella."


End file.
